1. Growth requires letting go and finding comfort among people who appreciate you. If you find yourself feeling out of place, seek out those who share your personality and values. Avoid anxiety caused by environments where your authenticity is unwelcome. Be with people who make you feel safe and free.

2. Value friends who value you. Being around those who don’t appreciate your worth can undermine your self-esteem and confidence. Choose friends who recognize and respect you, so your confidence is supported and expected, not misunderstood.

3. When your circle of friends truly values you, you will naturally value yourself more and see yourself as deserving of respect.

4. Never rekindle friendships with people who have tried to demolish your character. Jealousy and envy can drive harmful behavior; stay clear of these individuals.

5. If you’re kind by nature, don’t surround yourself with aggressive personalities. Don’t let your friends talk down to you in any way. Check it at the door! Friends may assume you’re soft and won’t defend yourself, which makes you an easy target for bullying. They do this because their own lives are in shambles, and picking on you helps them sleep better. In reality, you’re unproblematic and have a gentle, genuine spirit. Again, go be with your people. When you’re soft-spirited and are around aggressive, hostile, or rugged people, you’ll feel anxious and walk on eggshells. You worry that anything you say or do could annoy them. Step away from personalities who flip a switch like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Surround yourself with emotionally stable and mature friends.

6. If people in your friend circle choose others' sides without hearing you out, blame you unfairly, or gang up against you, run from these people. If they instigated drama to make you the villain, recognize their behavior is rooted in envy. This is not a safe environment for you.

7. Never rekindle friendships with those who have collectively ganged up on you. Especially if they tried to hold mock interventions as if you needed the psychological help for standing up for yourself and standing in your truth. In case you all haven’t noticed, in today’s society, everyone who speaks the truth is deemed crazy and deranged because people are too content with thriving in their lies, so they don’t have to deal with how ugly their image is in the mirror. Misery loves company, and they’ve been waiting for a moment to point out your flaws, too. Enviousness is so underestimated and overlooked. First, evaluate who in this circle is doing better than you in life. If you don’t have an answer, then you know the answer; it’s time to walk away. If you’re excelling in your career, and all they do is drugs and alcohol every free chance they get, then we can all assume who actually needs the psychological help. How appalling is it to call the most sober person in the room crazy and deranged? Meanwhile, you’re neither of the sort, are in tune with your stable emotions, and know how to express them maturely. All the while, they’re coping with their struggles through substance abuse. If this is your story, then CONGRATULATIONS! You have officially outgrown your friends. No matter what, don’t go back.

8. Friendship breakups hurt. Not moreso because you’ve lost a friend, but because you’ve come to the realization that they were never your friend to begin with. You’ve wasted time and years being loyal to the wrong people. Everyone left you in the cold, alone, and turned their backs on you without ever validating your feelings. You never mattered to them, and you never will. These types of breakups hurt because you’ve come to the realization that they never respected you in the way you’ve seen them respect others. It’ll hurt for a long time because you’ve bent backwards to show your loyalty, and they still chose to discard you and throw you away. Stay away. It’s over. Life will become more peaceful, and you’ll learn to acknowledge your self-worth again without them standing in the way of your confidence. When you reach this point of growth in your life, you’ll never want to go backwards again.

9. Isolation brings about peace and serenity. The more you’re on your own and alone, the more you begin to truly love yourself, value who you are, and take better care of yourself. You’ll begin to think highly of yourself as if you’re Beyoncé, and not accept the bare minimum from people just to fit in. You will no longer accept being constantly disrespected, all while trying to keep it peaceful amongst hostile energy, just to catch a vibe. You no longer have to find safe corners in environments so as not to potentially rattle the demons around you. You’re free to be carefree and authentic unapologetically.  You’re confident. You thrive in solitude. You’re more selective of who to share your energy and loyalty with. You’re only choosing people who deserve your kind spirit and genuine nature. It’s a freedom you’ll never want to give up. In some cases, isolation is equal to freedom.

10. Never feel guilty for elevating. Elevating doesn't mean you’re better than your friends. It simply means you’ve elevated to a new path in life where everyone is not meant to journey on with you, and that’s okay. You’ll miss them, you’ll have the good memories, and every once in a while, it’s okay to reach out, catch up, and reminisce. But understand that there will be people who come into your life meant to stay forever, and others who are only there for a season. In friendship, there’s no time cap on how that season will last. You’ll just know when that season is coming to an end. Your hurt will come from grieving the end of friendships you thought would last forever. Don’t be ashamed of your internal feelings; they’re normal.

“The only thing worse than death is betrayal”- Malcolm X.

Reclaim your power! Cherish your friends and loved ones in your life who have proven to you that they love you for who you are, and that you can count on them to be there for you in your time of need. You don’t need a lot of friends, you don’t need a huge clique, and you don’t have to have enough to count on one whole hand. Just cherish your select few, even if it’s one or two.

Stay free and live in peace.

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